


Ruby Tuesday

by calvinahobbes



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M, Trans Character, Transfic Mini Fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-01
Updated: 2011-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-19 11:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/200420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming back to Charming has been the hardest thing she's ever done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ruby Tuesday

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE: This fic contains brief mention of alcohol abuse and an unsafe childhood environment (past); brief mention of depression and drug abuse (past).
> 
> Thanks to [](http://noracharles.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**noracharles**](http://noracharles.dreamwidth.org/) for beta'ing.
> 
> For the prompt "Sons of Anarchy: MtF Tara, coming back to Charming. (So, ignoring a plot point in 3rd season)" by [](http://killing-rose.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**killing_rose**](http://killing-rose.dreamwidth.org/) for [Transfic Mini Fest Round 2](http://kanata.dreamwidth.org/1429843.html).

Coming back to Charming has been the hardest thing she's ever done -- it still is, even now after all the horrible, gut-wrenching things she's gone through to get to this short calm before the next storm.

Leaving was easy. Leaving was the only smart thing to do, between her father drinking and the club members looking darker and darker for each time she came around. It wasn't easy to be a high school kid in love with Jax Teller, who spent most of his time on bikes and drugs. She never doubted that he was in love with her -- he proved that to her time and again in word and deed -- but his lack of preservation instinct worried her sometimes. When she tried to voice her concerns about the club, about the town, how she needed to get out, he dismissed it. "We're fine, sweetheart. No one's going to do anything to you when I'm around."

In her heart she knew that Jax would never leave Charming. She would have to go it alone and hope he was still waiting when she came back. One of the things she used to beat herself up over the hardest was just that: that she left him, and that it wasn't hard. There was never any issue of who she would put first -- always herself. Whenever she was coming down off a high, sooner or later that thought would creep in and lodge itself in her brain and stay there until the next fix.

Transitioning all alone in a strange city with no support net while trying to get an education is not something she'll ever recommend to anyone. Looking back she never quite understands how the hell she survived. But apparently she's stronger than that, stronger than any of the shit life's been throwing at her since the day she was born.

Being back in Charming is, ironically, the safest and sanest she's felt in forever. The hard part was making the decision, making the preparations and going through with it. It had been jarring to be back on those old familiar streets, changed but still the same. Some people recognized her, others didn't; some gave her long looks, others crossed the street to avoid her. Some would say something -- mean or kind but almost invariably offensive. But Tara has long since learned to give a shit about strangers.

She could have gone anywhere she wanted, but she came back to Charming. It turned out she's a California girl, and the Chicago weather never really sat right with her. When suddenly Joshua made it prudent to get out, all she could think about was her old home town. She supposes most people are animals of habit, and even a home full of bad memories is still a home -- the scariest thing she's ever run away from was her father, and he wasn't there any more to give her hell. She didn't expect Jax to be waiting around, or the club to be any more sympathetic than they were before, but Charming was still the devil she knew. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. But even if she'd known how much fire she was getting herself into, she thinks she still had to give the town one more chance.

The worst thing had been to go back to her father's house. All the memories, suddenly and intensely crowding in on her, with no one to share them with. Cleaning it all up had taken months. Their family life really wasn't worth documenting, so there's not much to show for it, but she had found some old photo albums her mother must have put together. She keeps one of the photos in a frame in the living room, of a beautiful, smiling woman crouching next to a small grinning boy on a bicycle.

The first time Jax had seen it he'd grinned. "We should get you a bike. You'd look amazing." She had rolled her eyes and said she'd stick to her car, thanks. "Or riding bitch," he'd teased, prowling closer, and she'd felt a thrill. When he had kissed her and trailed his hand down to cup a breast, down to unbutton her jeans, she'd pulled back: "It's... different." He'd cupped her face, shushed her: "We'll figure it out." She had closed her eyes briefly and drawn a deep breath: "I just... don't want you to be disappointed. If." His gaze had stayed on her, searching: "I missed you so much. I love you. And you were always beautiful to me."

The only people who hadn't really made a fuss were SAMCRO. They had taken her in, gathered round her, and never said an unkind word. (Well, except for Gemma, but she was never so mean as when Tara came back with a better rack than hers.) She supposes time has seen them all changed, most of them worse for wear with their own medical histories and odd hobbies and screwed up love lives to carry around. In a way they're all a bunch of misfits, ganging together against the press of a country that still has trouble with people who don't fit the straight and narrow. They've made a home here.

Coming back to Charming is the best thing she's ever done.


End file.
